Thoughts about Fundraising

You know, 

I'm not one to complain, 

or assert myself and be bossy, 

or point my finger at people and tell them what I'm NOT going to do....

But I did.

I did that to God.

You've never done that, have you?  

After the boy's adoption I told Him I was done.  

Finito.

Completo.

Burrito.

D-O-N-E

No more fundraising.

Ever.  Never ever again.

And then He said Lili Beth was ready and waiting for us.  He lit a fire under our feet.  

... So now I fundraise....

It is a HUGE blow to your pride to have to fundraise.  Period.  Everyone has needs, desires, wants.  And here I am, in your face, saying HELP ME!

And I don't like doing that.  

So I've been praying and wondering WHY God would have us fundraise.  I mean, really.  Why?  

I remembered our last journey to adopt.  We pounded the pavement and got the word out about orphans and the need for forever families.  Since then I have seen several families add to their homes because they saw how we raised funds.

Now I'm cool with it.  Let's fundraise.  Let's shout it from the roof tops if that is what we need to do.  

Use me, Lord.  Let's tell everyone about the need.  

This is so much harder than pregnancy...

believe me, I know.

I've gone through two pregnancies.  From the very nanosecond I discovered I was carrying new life inside me... I did everything I possibly could to protect and provide for that little developing heartbeat.

From the moment of birth I did everything in my power to show that little helpless baby that they were loved... and provided for every need they could have had... before they even knew they had need.

Adoption is different.  It is so very, very different.

These little helpless guys are mine in every way.  Just like the two pregnancies I have had, I long to provide for their every need....

However, I can't!

AND IT STINKS.

BAD.

I look at these pictures and dream of the day that I will hold them.

And wonder if they are being loved like their mom will love them....

And knowing they are not.

***rip my heart out and stomp on it***

While we continue to dream and pray and cry and long for the day our little guys will be loved like they should.