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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Pulling the Red Thread - WE FOUND HER!

**Originally posted September 2, 2014. We have edited the publish date so that this post remains at the top.**

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet: regardless of time, place or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break."

Chinese Proverb

BEFORE YOU READ THIS STORY, I'M GOING TO ASSUME YOU HAVE ALREADY READ

THIS POST: Dreams

AND THIS POST: How I Know

You might want to read those first. Without those two pieces of the story, you will be VERY lost.

Boy do I have a story to tell you. Sit back, relax. Maybe get a cup of coffee and a muffin. This is going to be a complicated story, but will leave you in awe of our Creator and His mighty plan. Again, read the two posts listed above before you dive into this.

Oooohhhh am I excited.

With our first two adoptions we did NOT scour the internet looking through pictures. Our adoption agency matched us with our boys based on our guidelines we listed on our Medical Conditions Checklist.

This time we did have very specific guidelines set up for what medical needs we are open to and what we are not open to for our family.

On August 15 our social worker came to do our Home Study update. While speaking with her she encouraged me to look everywhere for our daughter. She said, "When you see her, you will just know she is your daughter. Just like dating. You may date several men but when you see your future husband you will just know."

Following her advice, I put a post up on an adoption advocacy group on Facebook, looking for my daughter. I did not list special needs or age specifications, as I did not want to create a box for people to only work in.

Within an hour there were almost 75 sweet faces in the comments below that post.

By the end of the day there were over 100.

It was heartbreaking to look at all of those sweet babies needing a mother's love.

There was one little girl who caught my eye... I'll name her Anna.

Anna had a 5 minute long video that was just ADORABLE. She was 10 years old. Older than I thought I would be looking for, but she immediately grabbed my heart... AND SQUEEZED.

Hubs and I were watching her video together. I burst into tears and thought:

"This could be my daughter... but it's not Lili Beth."

I didn't say a word to Hubs. If Anna was my daughter, God would have to lay her on Hub's heart, too.

I didn't have to wait too long.

I watched Anna's video every single day from Saturday the 16th - Thursday the 21st.

Hubs said, "I can't get that little girl out of my head. I've been watching her video every day this week."

That gave me the green light to find out more about her!!! Woo hoo!

I contacted the agency she was listed with and they said she was no longer with that agency and they could not tell me where she had gone.

First thing Friday morning (the 22nd) I called our agency and requested her file. They gave me the file. Same birthday month, same special needs, same hair cut, same facial features.

We found her!!!

We decided to lock Anna's file.

Right after locking Anna's file we found out that the file we locked was NOT ANNA'S!!!

What the what?!? We felt like a rug had been ripped out from underneath us.

So who was this girl's file we had in our hands - and, more importantly, how on earth did this girl's file end up in our hands?!?!?!

We stopped.

We prayed.

We read each and every word in this mystery girl's file.

Again.

and again.

Since we had already locked her file, we had until Sunday afternoon to say YES or NO to her.

I noticed something in her file that hadn't immediately been apparent to me.

She has a foot that had undergone surgery and was now fixed.

Her Chinese name translates to english as Beautiful Flower.

Her file ended up in our hands -

AND IT NEVER SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP IN OUR HANDS.

Only at this point did I remember our daughter's dream from three years prior:

What was her name?

"I can't remember. It was either Lilly, or Elizabeth."

Later, as we were sitting at the breakfast table, she was telling her brother all about her dream, quite excitedly.

"... and they were all so nice! And our little sister was so nice and quiet and shy, too. She is going to be a great little sister. OH! Mom! I forgot to tell you! Her feet were fixed!"

Beautiful Flower.

Feet Fixed.

How did this file end up in my hands?

We got on our knees and prayed for peace. We prayed for peace to cover both Hubs and I; and for a clear direction as to YES or NO.

That evening our oldest daughter was reading Beautiful Flower's file. She put the pages down, looked at me and said, "This is my sister."

Later that night I was reading the file to our oldest son and he burst out, "That's our girl!"

I looked at him and he had big, wide eyes and a shocked look on his face. "I don't know where that came from, I just KNOW that's our girl!"

By Saturday night the entire family was at peace - and all of us were completely in love with this 10 year old girl in the file in front of us. By Sunday morning - deadline day - we had an excitement and joy that we had found our Lili Beth.

Today, September 2nd, 2014 we received Pre-Approval from China to make Lili Beth our daughter.

We couldn't be more excited.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Some thoughts.... from one mom to another.

My musings were featured on the No Hands But Ours blog.

Dear birth mom,

I am like you; a birth mom. I am also an adoptive mom. Growing up, I wondered how a family with biological children and adopted children could love each other equally. Now I know. There is no difference. My children are my children just as if they were all born to me. It is a love that goes beyond all understanding. A love that knows no boundaries, no limits.

As I stand here watching my son, I am thinking of you, and tears fill my eyes. He has no idea I am watching him as he happily plays with his building block set. He carefully chooses each one and stacks them one upon another in a pyramid of color.

In his construction, he accidentally pinches his finger. He gasps and begins to cry. A tear rolls down his cheek. He comes to me and I am able to soothe him with one of my healing, magical mommy kisses. He happily returns to his work.

Thank you for that moment.

I remember the look on his face when he saw his first birthday cupcake. His beautiful two-year-old face was full of awe and wonder as he gazed upon the lit candle. The flame danced and cast happy glimmers of light upon his bright eyes and plump cheeks. As we sang happy birthday he looked at each of his family members in turn; with a smile playing at his little lips and a giggle daring to bubble over. He happily… and neatly… enjoyed each and every bite of his birthday cupcake.

Thank you for that moment.

His three year old brother spent almost an entire year dressed in a superhero cape, eye mask and wrist cuffs. He was proud and stood with his chest puffed out when he wore it; ready to help with anything that needed a superhero. He proclaimed his Superhero status to all who would listen. At church, the grocery store, the doctor’s office. For that year he made the world a safer place, and put a smile on the face of all who saw him.

Thank you for those moments.

My husband and I are getting ready to return to China and adopt our daughter. I imagine how our first meeting will be with her. A day full of nervous excitement and fear, signaling new beginnings; yet at the same time, immense sadness as she leaves behind the only world she’s ever known to travel to her forever home. Even though I have not met her yet, I cannot wait for that moment, and I thank you for that.

Because of you I have the privilege of kissing his cheeks, rocking him to sleep, being the object of his affection and pouring Jesus into him. I can only imagine the heartache you feel when you think of your child. Your loss. Your grief. Because when I think of him I experience joy. Acceptance. Peace. I want you to know that I adore him with every ounce of my being.

I admire you; the courage you must have had to desire a better life for your child. The tears of sorrow, not joy, as you placed him in another’s arms, hoping and praying that your decision was for the best; that the months you carried him in your body and the sacrifices you made for him – they were worth it.

I want you to know that he is safe, he is happy, and he is loved.

Thank you… for my child.